The Beginning

So it is decided and it may be crazy, but I want to do it. I want to go for my out there, impossible dream. It may take 6 years or even 10, but I am going to be an Olympian. I know it seems impossible, but after the last couple weeks I have had with coach disputes and the start of the 2010 winter Olympics, I can't help but have a fire lit under me.

My first step is to achieve my goal of hitting 40 meters this year. Its a long shot already, but it must be done. What is going to be important is the mental game. It is my biggest weakness and I have yet to figure out how to fix it. Dan thinks I need to see a counselor, and though he is probably right I can't bring myself to do it just for a sport. I don't want to have regrets, but I think I can figure this out on my own. Its all about self esteem and that is something that I have talked to a counselor about several times before. So now I am going to figure it out not necessarily on my own, but with the help of whatever community is out there willing to help. This means that if you are reading this right now, you are part of that community and I am willing to accept your help.

So now I begin:

I think I need to start with a few questions that I had a very hard time answering a few years ago when they were fired at me 5x each in a row within seconds.

Who am I?
Who do I pretend to be?
Who do I want to be?

When I first did this exercise I found myself using almost all the same words to answer all three questions. Needless to say this threw off the person asking me the questions and they responded by saying "I think you are very confused." This was certainly an accurate description of my freshman college self and to this memory always sticks out in my mind.

Fast forward to today and I am not sure I would find this task any easier. I kind of feel like I still had it right. Although the words I choose may describe who I am, I sometimes feel like I am pretending to be that person and I certainly want to be that person. I know this sounds weird, but I believe that I am this word, yet pretend to be it because I have not yet fulfilled my potential and at the same time its not a quality that I want to give up, so I still want to be that person, but better. I guess in my mind there is always room for improvement (I know that this is one of my weaknesses).

So for the purposes of the entry:

Who am I? A child of God
Who am I? A loving person
Who am I? An Athlete
Who am I? A Reliable Friend/ Person
Who am I? A Humble Person

Who do I pretend to be?A Person with a good relationship with God
Who do I pretend to be? A strong athlete
Who do I pretend to be? A Reliable Friend/Person
Who do I pretend to be? A Hard Worker
Who do I pretend to be? A Humble Person

Who do I want to be? A follower of God's will
Who do I want to be? A Loving Person
Who do I want to be?An Olympian
Who do I want to be? A Reliable Friend/ Person
Who do I want to be? A Humble Person

So there it is. They all look the same I know, but I really can't see the difference between the three. Maybe this is one of my weaknesses. I didn't answer in rapid fire succession the way I was asked to the first time and in truth I think that there are many other ways I could have answered this and still have been honest, however I think that these answers are most relate-able to where I am now and what I want to accomplish.