Hi Allison, I’ve been thinking about Project W&W, refining the details and coming up potential challenges. I wrote down snippets of thoughts from brainstorming, and drew a sketch for a website. The problems don’t worry me much because it’s nature to hit hurdles of unanswerable questions. Today in my ITI Management class we learned about 3 approaches to planning: think-it first, see-it first, and do-it first. I think I’m at the last stage. Think-it was as good as it will ever be without reliable data.
I need to remember to be careful with my money, be diligent and cautious in my decision making, but never be fearful just because of the risk and possible failure involved.
What really REALLY bothers me is that I’ve noticed how I am frustratingly, embarrassingly prone to daydreaming of unfettered success. For example, I would think: “Eventually, after I get the basics running, I should sign up for one of those competitions for young entrepreneurs.” This thought would drift to: “How could I present this effectively to win over the judges?” Then before I know it, I’m daydreaming about winning the competition, building the project into a success, donating money to nonprofit orgs and supporting higher education. I’d be lost, fantasizing about success, making a difference, and grandeur for who knows how long before I snap out of it and return to the task at hand – how do I even begin to promote this? I wish I could focus on the task at hand and take it one step at it time instead of wasting my time being a megalomaniac.
The disparity between who I am and who I want to become is so great that I can’t even list them like you did. I’m terrified that seeing them juxtaposed so clearly before me will cause me to lose hope forever.
Then there’s the usual nagging little voice going “Who are you kidding? You’re not capable of this.” I already feel that doubt digging into the optimism and energy I was determined to put into this. I think I just need to keep moving, set modest goals and keep myself motivated by accomplishing them.
Goal this weekend: Learn CS4 Flash, finish PST website, then begin PW&W website (also finish the paper due Tuesday and making sure it’s top quality).
I’m sitting in NY Penn Station, about to board a train to Boston (50 minutes late). I prone to spend idle hours like this reading and daydreaming, but this time I’m determined to finish the Flash tutorials I preloaded in my browser.
The article I sent you says to record one’s expectations about the future, and that by reviewing these one can pinpoint personal strengths and weaknesses. So… here goes: I expect to finish the tutorials by the end of the trip.
Edit: 4/17
Update on expectation. I don’t know if it was due to caffeine withdraw or reading the tutorial on a shaky train, but by the time I was on section 8 (out of 22), I started getting a headache. I used having a headache as an excuse to stop doing the tutorials, but watched Food Inc (movie) instead. Watching a movie made the headache turn into a migraine, and I was literally tearing for the last hour of the train ride.
I woke up today at 12 to realize that not only did I not finish the tutorials, I had also forgotten to submit 2 paper topics after I arrived. I also missed a phone interview that was suppose to take place today at 10am.
Nick is pretty angry with me for being so irresponsible. I’m angry that I’m so forgetful.
….baahh…..
Edit:
A friend of minej ust sent me JK Rowling's commencement speech at Harvard: http//www.ted.com/talks/jk_rowling_the_fringe_benefits_of_failure.html
Also I'm sitting in Boarders burrowing through CS4 Flash books.
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